The Dating Game

So, I’m back to my usual topic and will try to post a bit more than I have been. I’ve been rushing from one thing to another at the moment hence my lack of posts but here goes.

I don’t have a clear idea of where this post is going but I’ll try my best. I was thinking the other night in bed (as that’s when I think best) about love, however corny that may seem and how different people see it. It means so many different things in this day and age that it’s hard to pinpoint if people actually mean it when they say it. I thought about my own experiences of love and it made me wonder if what I experienced the first time really was what they call ‘the real deal’. It wasn’t since we aren’t together anymore but what is the ‘real deal’ or is there even such a thing?

Everyone has their own perception of what they call true love and there can be no correct answer since everyone is different. I know that when friends talk to me about their relationships I think ‘we don’t do that’ but that’s okay because it doesn’t make the relationship any less serious or filled with love than any other one. Some people go out for dinner every week, or have a specific date night, some have designated sleepover nights or some share hobbies together. Whatever it is, respect people’s right to do what they want together, even if they haven’t been together long and are doing more than you did at that stage or maybe even now. People become more comfortable as time progresses in a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to take it slow and I find it sad that so many of us are pressured into things we don’t really want to do just because we think everyone else is doing it (they aren’t.)

Facebook shouldn’t be your relationship timeline either. Yes, it’s perfectly fine to write statuses about what you do together and photos of the two of you but it’s completely fine if you don’t.  I know couples who aren’t even what you’d call ‘Facebook official’ where you list your relationship for everyone to see. It doesn’t mean their relationship isn’t as serious as the next couple, but they would rather just keep their private life private and that’s cool. In fact, they are probably much happier since their life isn’t spied on by the whole of Facebook and if there did happen to be a break up, things would be dealt with in a low key way.

The other thing I wanted to focus on in this post was comparing your first love to how you love now. Think about the first person you ever fell in love with, this doesn’t have to be the first person you dated as love normally comes over time. Not in all cases, granted. I’ll get to love at first sight in a minute but I mean the overwhelming happiness you get from being with that one person. You can be a bit delirious round them and this is rather boring for your friends to witness as you are literally putty in their hands. It’s worse when the other person knows this as well because this can lead to very manipulative behaviour. You won’t notice it though because you are what they call ‘blinded by love’. Everything they do is amazing and they can do no wrong in your eyes. Whether they treat you right or wrong, you are always right there with them. It’s unhealthy. I’ve been there and I’m sure many others have too. Deep down you know you aren’t quite suited for each other but the need to be with someone wins over.

The time when you realise that love wasn’t much compared to what you feel currently is like a blow to the head. I’m not saying I felt nothing because that would be unfair and untrue but when you experience love for a second time, you can only begin to comprehend how different it feels. It’s easier for one thing. It’s a lot more natural and although you are very happy, you aren’t blurting out how amazing they are all the time because you know and that’s enough. There is no manipulative behaviour instead there is respect for each other and your own quirks. Yes, there may be arguments but you always come through them because in truth you don’t like being mad at each other.

I don’t want this to be a mammoth blog post but I’m going to quickly address the love at first sight conundrum. I can’t say I’m a believer, having never experienced it myself. I’ve thought guys were attractive before and initiated conversation but it’s not love, it’s lust. For me, love comes from memories and spending low key time together. Learning as much as you can and laughing together over the things you hate and helping each other through the hard times. I think it would be pretty cool to have an instant connection and just know you were meant to be with that person. I find it slightly strange that I met my boyfriend when I was 4 years old and we didn’t meet again until 16 years later! Kind of makes you realise maybe things do happen for a reason but the point of this post, my crazy story aside, is to not think that your first love will be your last. When you experience it again, chances are it will be stronger and purer. Go out there and get ’em.

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