I haven’t felt much like turning my attention to my blog over the last few weeks but have been noting thoughts down in my diary. It’s easier that way to keep your innermost thoughts private and reserve your blog for curated content, content that gives advice to others and general recommendations of things I’ve been enjoying. That’s all well and good but how often do we talk about how we’re really feeling?
In all honesty, the last three weeks have been really difficult. I’ve struggled to find the motivation to work and succumbed to scrolling through social media making myself feel even worse every time I see a couple sitting together at home watching TV or out for their daily walk.
That’s what it comes down to really, the fact that I cannot see my boyfriend. It may seem like a small, insignificant thing to many with all of the other anxieties we’re facing but after being together for 5 years and watching everyone else around you move in together, it becomes a bit like a never ending circle of waiting for your time to come.
I’m taking comfort in the fact that the beginning of March started off well. We celebrated my Grandma’s birthday on the 6th March with a lovely meal at The Pilot. It seems like a long time ago that we were sitting in that pub watching her open her presents.
The day after, Rich and I went paintballing with his friends. I’ve never been paintballing before so I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. I didn’t expect to feel quite so bruised, exhausted and muddy after a full on 6 hours of mostly hiding behind a bush. I gave it a good go but my aim was awful, I got shot in the visor and couldn’t see at one point and it had rained torrentially for the last week so the ground was like a bog. I’ll be honest, I didn’t enjoy it and was counting down the hours until it was over.
The weekend after was slightly bittersweet as COVID19 restrictions were just coming into place. However, Rich and I managed to enjoy a long weekend together which began with wine tasting at Rath Finney. It was a pretty indulgent experience and one which we probably won’t repeat due to how much lunch cost us but the food was brilliant and I could have drunk a whole bottle of their Rose but alas could only afford a glass.
We then had a little wander around Alfriston in the sunshine. For those that aren’t familiar with Alfriston, it’s this gorgeous village nestled between Seaford and Polegate with quaint shops, pubs and cafes. Apparently not content with our cheeseboard and fish goujon lunch, I decided we should go for a cream tea in Badgers tea room. They do great food and I like to support small businesses.
After stuffing ourselves with scones, we wandered out the back of Alfriston to a bridge over the river and watched three, crazy dogs splash through the water.
On Saturday, we ventured out to Hobbycraft to pick up some crafting bits as we knew we’d have to stay indoors for a while soon. We picked up some foil art pictures which we did that afternoon and a couple of ceramic vases with paints. I’m not massively crafty but I enjoy how peaceful it makes me feel to paint or create something.
On Sunday I saw a friend for a windy walk up South Hill barn. It was so lovely to just relax in the stunning countryside we have around us but I was beginning to feel guilty about the fact that social distancing was becoming a thing.
Monday came around and it was the last day that Rich and I ventured out together. As we were getting ready to go out, I was waving my arms around excitedly speaking to Rich that it was sunny enough to go on the beach that day and maybe I could read my book. Stupidly, as I was speaking I forgot I had the book in my hand, pulled my arm up and smashed myself in the face with the book. The pages poked me straight in the eye and my god was it painful. After 5 minutes of hopping about in pain and laughing at myself, I shrugged it off and we carried on with our day, all the while my eye was a bit sore and painful.
We drove over to Eastbourne to pick up a spring trench coat I’d had my eye on and went to Zizzi’s for lunch. My eye was still sore but nothing too serious to make me stop what I was doing. By the evening, it was beginning to water non-stop and I was struggling to open it. I took some paracetamol that night, bathed it in water and hoped it would go by the morning.
Nope of course it got worse! I could barely open my eye in the morning so had to call in sick to work and try to get an opticians appointment. My dad had managed to get me some eye drops by this point so I put these in which helped a bit but I could still barely open it. The opticians didn’t have any appointments until the following day but I was in quite a bit of pain so to cut a long story short, I ended up having to go to Brighton eye hospital a&e to wait for an hour without an appointment. They prescribed me eye drops and eye gel which I waited 45 minutes for to be made up by the pharmacist and my dad drove me home.
I didn’t think my day could get any worse until I turned on the news in the evening to see that Boris Johnson was ordering everyone to stay indoors, only travel where necessary and only go out for exercise once a day. I felt sad and deflated along with the rest of the nation who were wondering what this meant for their daily lives.
Life over the next week was mostly spent lying in bed so that my eye could recover and then working from home and visiting a&e for a check up. All is fine with my eye now so I’m glad of that and I’m starting to get into a good routine working from home. Life as it is now is becoming the new normal and the shock of the first week has worn off.
Whilst I’m trying to keep busy, I’m also not doing a whole lot as we don’t have to be productive all the time and I just haven’t been in the mind set to do lots. It has been nice to have some time to myself and do exactly what I want to do when I want to. I’ll relish that feeling whilst it lasts and although there’s nothing on my calendar for April, that doesn’t mean it won’t be full of catch up with family and friends but also a few bad days which will pass because they all do.
Here’s to a new month and to finding peace doing your own thing.