How Do You Know If You’re Really In Love?

Love. That thing that everyone wants but we all struggle to find. The thing that drives us insane but also makes us feel incredible. Whether you believe in true love or not, there’s no way to describe that feeling of heart pounding happiness that comes from only being in a relationship. It’s not only towards a partner you might feel it, it could be a parent, sibling or even a pet. The inexplicable, strong instinct we have to protect those close to us and never let them slip from our life.

The question is how do we know if we are really in love? The short answer is we don’t. It’s such a complicated emotion that we can’t pin it down by saying THAT was the moment I fell in love with that person. I don’t think there’s a secret to it either. You can’t force someone to fall in love with you. It happens unconsciously and slowly. It’s like author, John Green says: ‘ I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly then all at once.’ I think that sums it up perfectly.

Men are said to fall in love a lot quicker than women and I was reading a blog called ‘The Rules Revisited’ which provided some interesting points.  ‘A man judges his woman primarily in relation to himself, which he does quite quickly.’ For example:

  1. A great deal of his attraction to a woman is physical, and her approximate physical beauty can be demonstrated by seeing her in a handful of outfits (or, to some degree, through photos).
  2. A great deal of his attraction to a woman is rooted in her personality and energy, which can be demonstrated by experiencing her in a handful of moods. This takes longer than the physical attraction, but is still possible within a fairly limited number of encounters.

Now, for women, the situation is different. Many of a woman’s triggers for romantic love are less immediate:

  • His personal strength and emotional stability, which can only be demonstrated by seeing him react to challenging situations, and these are unlikely to arise on a daily basis.
  • His intelligence and confidence, which – although more readily assessed – can also take time to evaluate, as they are best demonstrated via situations in which his wit or knowledge is pitted against others’, or by seeing how he responds to other men in a variety of real-life social situations.
  • His commitment, which is only demonstrated in proportion to its duration. The longer he is with you, the longer he is likely to stay with you.

Interesting. I would say this rings pretty true for most girls. It has always been embedded in society that men are emotionless which is just not true. Sure, we don’t want to deal with someone who is sobbing away unless the situation calls for it of course but some emotion when a family member is unwell or they lost out on that job opportunity is what makes you more attractive. It shows you care. As for intelligence and confidence, only in moderation please. I like to be able to have stimulating conversations with people about stuff I’m interested in and I like texts to contain the right grammar. The same goes for confidence. I like someone to be sure of themselves and know they are worthy enough and that I like them for who they are but arrogance is a turn off. Boasting constantly about personal achievements and trying to be one up on everything I say is just plain annoying. The commitment one is true too. The longer you are with someone, the more you think about what it might be like in a years time or maybe two.

So how do we know if we are really in love? There is no definite answer. Sometimes we think we are in love but it’s just infatuation or we are fooled into thinking that what we are feeling is real love.

It might only be when you experience love for a second time that you realise what you first felt was nothing in comparison to what you feel now.

It makes you feel crazy, happy, worried, delirious, sad, alive and makes you feel and look more attractive than you ever have before. Every love song you listen to seems ridiculously relevant and takes on a whole new meaning. You have a new found love for them in fact. They aren’t annoying anymore. In fact nothing is annoying anymore, life is great and you know it. Blah blah blah, we all love love. In short, if you feel any of the above, you are probably in love.


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