Why You Shouldn’t Date A Friend

I’ve often thought about this and gone back and forth on my opinion. It’s really tricky to determine whether it’s a good idea or not but in my experience I’ve come to the conclusion it’s not. I’ve dated a friend and while at first I thought it was probably the greatest thing, since I knew all about them already, it kind of made that whole ‘I’m excited about this new relationship’ feeling non-existent. Yes, it made it less awkward to begin with but the pressure that comes from your other friends can be a bit stifling.

What I mean by dating a friend, just to clarify, is someone you have been friends with for a while before you start dating. I’m not talking about someone who you meet, become friends with and start dating within a month or so because that’s slightly different but those who have always been part of your life. How do you cross over that boundary from friends to lovers? Below, I’ve listed the points as to why I believe you shouldn’t date your friend.

1. You know too much

You have known this person for years and know all their little habits. You have probably been on many outings with them that could be perceived as date locations to others. You have talked about anything and everything to them. You are comfortable around them, so much so that they’ve seen you at your worst and know your deepest fears and regrets. You’ve seen their vulnerable side too and did your friendship duty of talking it over until you forgot the problem. There is nothing that is out of bounds with you two and you’ve already done so much discovering together that a relationship would just be meaningless.

2. No excitement

You’ve already got over the awkward meeting stage months ago and the exciting getting to know each other part. You like to think you know them quite well and that they would say the same about you. There’s no passion there except a healthy friendship between the two of you that you know you can always rely on. There doesn’t have to be excitement just comfort as that’s all you need.

3. Friend pressure

Chances are that your friends are his friends as you all hang out together and that creates a deep pressure for a relationship. There are constant jokes about how you should get together or how you banter like an old married couple but the truth is, you wish they’d stop. It’s embarrassing and that joking would be the pressure on the two of you to stay together. Friends will be crushed and not know where to turn if you break up.

4. Going from friends to lovers

Where is the line between friends and lovers? Is it going to be easy to make that transition? Because you are so comfortable in each others company, it would seem weird to get intimate with each other.

5. The break up

Once you were friends, now you are strangers. The ache you feel is the person you lost. The one you cared about the most and whose opinion you valued like no other. You can no longer turn to them in your darkest times or share your best times with them because it didn’t work out and the healing process will be an uphill battle.

This post was just beginning to sound a bit morbid and making me feel a bit so when writing it 🙁 I feel I need to watch a cat video to cheer me up. With that thought I will leave you until the appearance of my next post!

 

2 Comments

  1. 08/06/15 / 2:09 pm

    I do see your point of view but for me I don’t agree. I became best friends with someone and 6 months down the track had a huge crush on me. We are together now and have been dating for 8 months and I couldn’t be happier. Although I knew ‘everything’ about him there were still things you miss out on a best friend there was still the excitement and some little things you don’t pick up on. Sure, I haven’t broken up but if we did I think I can see us still being friends. Maybe thats unrealistic of me or maybe its mature, I don’t know. 🙂

    • Kerrie
      08/06/15 / 2:17 pm

      Aw that’s fair enough. For some people that works. The same thing happened for me but after a year we broke up. I agree, you do know them on a deeper level in a relationship. I hope it works out for you though 🙂

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