This is something I’ve been wanting to write for a while. It’s something that I find incredibly hard to do myself and thought I’d address it to help others like me to see why it’s okay to approach people for help and how to go about it.
Most of us like to be able to get on with the task at hand… by ourselves. We think we are fairly competent and curse ourselves if we don’t know something. We do everything to the best of our ability, over working ourselves, striving to be the best; a perfectionist may be the best word for it. Long story short, we don’t want to disappoint. Oh wait, that’s not everyone?
Yeah, some people are actually a lot more chilled about life in general and have coping mechanisms oh and they aren’t afraid to ask for help. I have a lot of respect for these people and they are often the best people to turn for help.
Let’s take me as a prime example cause I can’t think of any others at this moment in time. I have barely ever asked for help in my life and it has caused me to become very upset at times. It happened at Uni when I was so unsure of what I was doing. I second questioned everything from my course choice to the relationship I was in. Everything felt like a massive pressure and I couldn’t concentrate on anything. It was all because I didn’t ask for help though. I cried…a lot to my parents, the lecturers and even a councillor (still a bit embarrassed about that- it didn’t really help either.) I honestly didn’t know what to do. Everything was going downhill including my relationship which really upset me at the time. I think you can see why I left… but the point I’m trying to get across is ASK FOR HELP!!
Don’t be afraid of what people are going to think, they have probably been in your situation before. The world is constantly changing and with it brings massive pressure of finding jobs, managing bills, getting married and settling down whilst juggling that ever changing technology thing. It’s damn scary when you look at it like that and watch the news for an evening. (I advise you not to if you’re a worrier like me.)
Stop trying to please everyone because chances are, they already think you are doing a good job. Just simply ask them how you could do a better job or if they could give you a bit of advice on how to do it. That’s not so hard is it?
Another problem some people might have is plucking up the courage to actually ask. This was my problem at Uni! My support network (my family and home friends) were not with me and that really lowered my confidence. It made me realise what a shy person I could be. The trick is to talk to someone you trust. I told practically everything to a good friend on my course. She was so understanding and that then gave me confidence to talk to the course leaders (who I’m sorry but you all weren’t much help!) I suppose in the end though it’s down to you to make the change.
Surround yourself with the right people. The sorts of people who will be your cheerleaders. My ex wasn’t one of those…recognise who is not good for you and move on with your life. Also, don’t get too invested in other people’s lives. It’s so easy to look at what other people have compared to yourself. In fact, a work colleague gave me the best advice the other day. It was something along the lines of ‘you may not get as many material goods in life as other people but the fact is the little that you do get, you will appreciate that much more than they will.’
Focus on your own life (not all the time because that is selfish.) Surround yourself with cheerleaders, good, open people who will give you that confidence to be able to ask for that help and hey presto, life might become slightly less stressful. Tea and chocolate work wonders too 😉