Why We Shouldn’t Constantly Seek Reassurance in Relationships


I’m so getting there with this blog design thing! I’ve been fiddling around with all the technical back end parts and am finally learning about widgets, sliders and all that jazz but wow WordPress is hard work. I’m all about the content and if I could afford for someone to just run my site and build it into something beautiful then that would be fab but most people can’t afford this anyway so I’ll be another typical blogger getting lost in the bloggersphere. Enough of me rambling anyway. Here’s a post I thought of whilst seeking inspiration from others. Enjoy!

I read a blog post which touched on reassurance from others and I realised I do this a lot when I get into a relationship. Maybe it’s not healthy. Of course, your partner is meant to be there for you and reassure you when you’re doubting yourself; that’s fine but maybe relying on them all the time isn’t fair. They’re only human after all.

I found myself seeking constant reassurance that I’m a good person, that I’m not a loser doing life wrong and that I am capable of achieving in life. It’s not meant to sound dramatic. I know I can do all of these things and most of the time I will just get on with life but I’m not so good at shrugging things off. For example, when I lost my job recently I played things over and over again in my head wondering where I went wrong and how I could have improved. I beat myself up over being unemployed yet again. Now, I tell my boyfriend everything. So naturally I told him all my worries and fears about how I’ve lost this job and how daunting the future seemed.

I wanted him to tell me I was good enough for the job and they made a mistake, you get it. He did of course because he wanted me to feel better but in seeking reassurance from someone else (quite a lot) am I underestimating my self-value? Once upon a time, I used to have brilliant gut instincts and make snap decisions just like that but now I actually have someone to lean on, it seems like much less effort to just off load it all onto them than make my own decisions.

This also makes me sound fairly selfish, I’m aware. I doubt I’m the only one who does this. Have a little faith in yourself and don’t let a relationship define your decisions in life. You and I are perfectly capable of making our own decisions and not breaking down every so often because nothing is picking up. It puts a strain on your relationship. There are probably plenty of other people who would be willing to listen and give advice about your problems too. What I’m trying to say is reassurance is great but only you can make fundamental changes in your life and no amount of complaining will help.

I see others seeking reassurance in other ways such as hinting as to whether their partner still finds them attractive. You shouldn’t have to hint, you should know by the way they treat you. Maybe you seek reassurance that your partner is in it for the long run but surely that’s something you just know as well? Obviously, people make jokes about the future and attractiveness but I’m just talking about when stuff gets serious.

This obviously all comes down to confidence. That stupid thing that seems to come in bursts for me. The thing I seem to be chasing to finally help me achieve the future I want. So if there’s anyone else out there like me who struggles a little with confidence, let me tell you how awesome you are. Say thank you the next time you get a compliment and try to smile about something every day.

Have a good week 🙂

1 Comment

  1. Naomi Edge
    28/11/16 / 5:14 pm

    Can totally relate to this, not with the boyfriend bit but speaking to family about the same thing. You want them to say the right thing but it doesnt change the situation your in.

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