Sounds controversial right? The feeling that we all strive for and most of the time centre our lives around is not as exciting as it’s made out to be. Well if it’s true love anyway.
We’re told time and time again by the media that love is a dramatic, turbulent ride fuelled by passion and angst. I found a great quote from a blogger who said ‘Too often we think love is supposed to be manic’ and I couldn’t agree more.
We’re meant to always strive for excitement and when we no longer feel that, then we’re no longer in love. That’s ridiculous obviously but it’s what we’re shown on TV and in films.
I’m not saying that in the first throes of a relationship love isn’t exciting, passionate and makes you feel like a giddy little girl but when you’re in a long term relationship, love changes.
Love becomes a comfortable unspoken feeling whilst also being voiced constantly. You can never say it too much because it’s such a natural feeling. Love is the private jokes only the two of you understand, the quiet moments curled up on the sofa together and the road trips bellowing the words to a Drake song out the car window.
Love becomes something consistent, something to rely on, someone who will never let you down. Love is finding someone to spend your life with and life isn’t always exciting. That person is going to be there through the mundane parts of life and not be bored because they’re spending time with you.
It’s the little everyday moments that make up a relationship. They say life happens when you’re making plans and it truly does. When I look back over the three and a half years of my relationship, I don’t just focus on all the trips we’ve taken together, I think about the first boxset we watched together or that word we made up that’s now used as an adjective, noun and verb. I think of the silly YouTube videos my boyfriend shows me that I don’t find anywhere near as hilarious as he does, the cute dog memes he tags me in on Facebook and our favourite Indian restaurant we often go to.
I try to hold onto these things as little mementos of life over the years. I know as the years pass and if I’m still lucky enough to be in my current relationship, then the love between us will become even more comfortable. Because although the thought of finding someone to potentially spend your life with is exciting, it’s also quite scary.
I was speaking with a friend about this recently and we both shared the same view that although we want to dive in head first and spend our lives with our partners, there’s always that small voice in the back of your head going ‘Are you sure they’re the one?’ ‘Are you going to be happy with the choice you make?’
It isn’t doubt, it’s just rationality reminding me to be careful, that I’ve been hurt before and I won’t allow it to happen again.
Sometimes you have to take a step back and wonder if you could really live happily without that person in your life. Men are lucky. According to research, they fall harder than women do and often declare their love after only a few weeks. Women are a bit more guarded and take a few months to say those three words.
I read a lot of articles whilst researching for this post. I was interested to see what other bloggers had written on the topic. Some of it I agreed with and some I didn’t which led me to the conclusion that love is different for everyone.
Maybe it’s not so much that love is boring, it’s just comfortable – a part of life. When people ask if there’s a secret to relationships or to a happy marriage, everyone will tell you something different; communication, laughter, friendship but I think it’s as simple sharing every aspect of your life together and unconsciously making each other happy.
Another myth that I’m keen to explore is ‘keeping the spark alive’. I hate this term. I think it should be banned and we shouldn’t use it. Arranging exciting trips together isn’t an example of keeping the spark alive, whatever the spark is. All advice I’ve read on this topic is things that you should be doing in a relationship anyway; talking, planning, surprising each other.
If it’s true love you won’t need to keep the spark alive. Although all relationships take work at times and there will be moments where you feel like screaming in frustration, there will be moments where you are overwhelmed with love for your partner and the happiness is rippling off you in waves. (Sappy).
So, yes true love isn’t always excitement but it’s certainly not boring.